


You smell like home.

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-21
Updated: 2014-07-21
Packaged: 2018-02-09 19:40:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1995396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, a brief explanation of Sam and Dean's early relationship and the heart break that left Sam running away to Stanford.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You smell like home.

"We're just fucking, Sammy. That's all this is."

The words stung like a slap across the face. Sam stumbled back into the wall like someone shoved him. He tried and failed to hide the hurt leaking out of his eyes. How could Dean say something so horrible to him, after everything they'd been through?

~

Sam Winchester first released he was in love with his brother when he was six years old. He was the new kid in town - the freak, like always. People whispered about him as he walked down the halls.

"Did you see those bruises?" 

"Do you know he lives in a hotel?" 

"I heard his dad is a big drunk."

They stung and Sam didn't do a very good job at handling the pain. He was still new to all of this stuff, unlike Dean who strutted the hallways and capitalized on all their short comings.

"Hey Winchester, how you likin' it in Motel Sleeze?"

Dean grinned, the biggest and shittiest grin. "It's great. You're mom's stopping by later. Gonna help me break in the bed."

Sam would never be able to say that to someone. When Sam complained about the way people talked to Dean, his brother would simply shake his head and say, "Don't let these dicks get to you. We'll be gone in a few days. No use getting your panties in a twist, kid."

Dean never cared about what people said, so when Sam found him choking a tall, chubby boy against a locker, he was fairly surprised. Teachers rushed to pull them apart, screaming for them to stop. The boy pulled away, a smug smile forming on his face. "You make sure you get that little brother of yours ready for me later, Winchester."

The fist collided with his face so hard, Sam briefly wondered if the boy's jaw was shattered. Dean was suspended, and they sent home a letter that was burned before their dad ever saw it. When Sam questioned Dean about it he pushed passed him. "Just fucking drop it, Sam."

"I heard him. He was talking about me, Dean."

Dean froze for a moment then turned to him. "He - He was saying fucked up things about you, okay? Things nobody should be fucking talking about EVER. He is lucky I didn't rip his head off!"

"I thought you said we shouldn't let them get to us?" Sam asked innocently. 

Dean sighed heavily. "Yeah, well - that doesn't apply to you, alright? Nobody, and I mean fucking NOBODY gets to talk about you. Not while I'm around. Just drop it. I'm gonna make dinner."

That was the moment Sam Winchester fell in love with his brother. The stomach twisting, palm sweating, heart racing kind of love.

~

Sam was 12 the first time he acted on his feelings. He knew that Dean had some idea about the way he felt. He had spent the last six years following him around like a puppy. He forced Dean to share a bed with him, even though dad was away, and despite his huffs, the eldest Winchester cuddled with him every night. 

Now Dean was insisting Sam sleep in his own bed. Something about he made noises at night and puberty, and Dean wasn't dealing with it. He had blurted all of this out very quickly and with a faint swirl of pink hanging over his cheeks. He didn't think Dean knew about his wet dreams, and he really hoped he didn't talk in his sleep - might be a tad bit uncomfortable for Dean to hear Sam moaning his name. Sam was not embarrassed though, on the contrary, he was pissed. He loved sleeping with Dean, breathing his smell in every night. It was like a lullaby.

After a long fight, Sam was laying in his own bed, beyond angry. Dean was tossing and turning in the bed next to him, probably unsure of what to do with all of the new space. They lay like this for ages, a thick silence hanging in the room around them. Sam's whole body screamed out violently, aching to be pressed against his brother. As the minutes ticked by and Dean grew more restless, Sam said fuck it and jumped out of his bed and crashed into his brother's without a word.

Dean groaned for a long moment then finally turned over and pulled Sam to his chest. "S'not right." he muttered, instantly relaxing against his little brother's body.

"Don't care, Dean." Sam muttered, letting his head dip deep into Dean's neck so he could smell him.

"Are you fucking sniffing me?" Dean asked loudly.

Sam was a bit embarrassed then. "I like the way you smell. It's gunpowder and leather and that cheap cologne you use too much of, and something else - something that's just - Dean. It's like home."

They both sat in a very awkward silence after that. Sam was thinking of something to say to turn to the whole thing into a joke when Dean whispered, "You smell like home too, Sammy."

That's all it took to have the youngest Winchester shoving his brother on to the mattress, straddling his hips and smashing their lips together. Dean groaned against Sam's lips in protest, but he didn't fight. He let Sam dip his inexperienced tongue inside his mouth and rake his fingers through his hair. He let Sam shove his hand up shirt and trail down across his too tight muscles until....

"No, Sam!" Dean barked, grabbing his hand before it could touch the throbbing dick pressed against his thigh. 

Sam put on his best puppy dog eyes then. "Dean, please...need you." he muttered, poking Dean's stomach his own erection.

Dean's eyes immediately snapped down looking at the imprint of Sam's swelling cock. "Jesus, fuck." he moaned before flipping them over.

This time Dean was in control. He separated Sam's lips and swirled his tongue inside of his little mouth, causing Sam to momentarily forget how to breath. Nails broke the skin on his shoulder blades, and the pain went straight to his crotch. He whined lightly, pressing up against Dean again. Dean's face strained as he did his best to stay in control. He let his hand run down Sam's stomach and into his underwear. The youngest Winchester let out a sloo of curses words as Dean took his throbbing member into his hands. The thrusts were long and hard, and it didn't take Sam long to start coming undone.

"Dean, so...fucking...good. Dean, please. Please."

Dean nodded, picking up the pace. In between the strokes, Dean's hand went to his own jeans. He unbuttoned them, needing to release his overly hard dick from it's tight prison. Sam let out a broken moan and gaped at him. "Are you gonna fuck me?"

That was it. Dean was coming before he could even touch himself. His body shook violently as he painted his underwear with long streams of cum. He thrust down against Sam, riding out his waves of pleasure. Beneath him, his little brother was half screaming and releasing on Dean's hand. 

Dean wouldn't talk to him for hours after that. Despite the heat in the room Sam felt very cold - cold and unwanted. Had he ruined everything with his brother? It seemed the eldest Winchester would never be able to look at him again. This thought made warm tears spill from Sam's eyes. He did his best to remain quiet, but a broken sob fell from his mouth and Dean was there in an instant. He wiped the tears and held him tightly whispering how sorry he was.

Sam shook his head. "I want you. I've always wanted you. I love you more than anything."

Dean froze for a moment then let out a soft sigh. "I know. Me too, kid."

Well, it wasn't exactly a scene from The Notebook but Sam would take it. Especially since this confession brought on years of deep kisses, jerk offs, fucking incredible blow jobs, and most importantly Sam still got to share a bed with his older brother.

~

Sam was 16 the first time Dean fucked him. Sam had begged him for years and every time Dean stormed away from him. He knew Dean wanted to and he also knew Dean was getting real close to snapping. So one night Sam had Dean finger him. It wasn't uncommon but usually Dean would just slide his middle finger inside of him. Tonight Sam made sure Dean opened him up with three fingers, getting him nice and stretched. The eldest Winchester was above him, thrusting against the air in perfect sync with his fingers. "Want you. Dean, want you so bad." Sam moaned, grinding against him. Dean shook his head, unable to speak the word no.

"Just press it against me. Don't gotta go in." Sam assured.

Dean considered this for a moment, then let his fat cock slap against Sam's tight hole. Sam felt his release coming, and clamped down on his dick forcing it to stay away for a little longer. Dean's cock leaked out line after line of precome, coating Sam with each thrust. 

"Fuck, Sam!" Dean groaned as he sped up his thrusts.

"Put it in." Sam begged, squirming beneath him. "Just the tip."

"Yeah, just the tip." Dean muttered, lining himself up with Sam.

The most beautiful pressure filled him as the tip of Dean's penis slid inside. Sam moaned loudly, wanting to press down on it until it completely filled him up but he had to do this right. He let Dean fuck the head in and out of him, and he could tell by the Dean's darkening eyes that he needed more. "More." Sam whimpered beneath him.

Dean shook his head. "I can't fuck you."

"Please, just a little bit more. You don't have to go in all the way."

Dean didn't need much convincing. He pressed jut a bit further in, Sam's name falling from his lips like a prayer. Sam's eyes rolled in the back of his head and very slowly he jacked his own dick. "Yeah, Dean. F-Fuck yeah."

Then Dean brushed again something inside of Sam that made him see white. "Fuck! Dean! Dean!" he screamed, pressing down on the dick inside of him urgently. "What is that?"

"Prostate." Dean choked out, control melting away as he dove in again, fully penetrating his little brother.

Sam was a mess below him, practically sobbing Dean's name. It didn't make long for the blindingly orgasm to shake his whole body. Dean groaned from above him and made to pull out, but Sam wasn't having any of that. He locked his leg tightly around Dean's waist, and soon the cum was filling him up. He couldn't tell which moans belonged to him, and which belonged to Dean. 

Afterwards Dean wasn't mad, which surprised Sammy. He actually seemed quite chipper. He smiled easily and ruffled Sam's hair like he used to do when he was a kid. 

The next two years passed and it was the hottest fucking years of Sam's life. So much mind blowing sex. His body craved Dean, and Dean craved Sam. But it was more than the physical need. They were in all aspects a couple, but Sam never ever mentioned that. They cuddled on the couch every night their father was gone. They held hands while they drove in the Impala. Occasionally, Dean would even give Sam a small peck in public.

That's why Sam couldn't understand his brother's words now. Dean had been flirting up a waitress right in front of Sam, completely ignoring him. The waitress asked Dean to come back in an hour after her shift and Dean agreed. When she left the table Dean didn't make eye contact with Sam. Sam ate in silence, dread and confusion flooding through him. Dean drove them back to the hotel, and Sam was briefly wondering if his older brother was just fucking with him when he stood up and walked to the door. "Be back in a couple hours, Sam." he said nonchalantly. 

Sam felt like he couldn't breath. An odd choking sound spilled out of his mouth before he could stop it, and Dean turned to stare at him. He knew was he was seeing - watery eyes, gaping mouth, complete shock.

"What?" Dean asked carelessly.

"You're going to - fuck her?" Sam choked out, barely able to speak the words.

Dean put on his grin, the grin he used with everyone - everyone but Sam. "If I'm lucky."

Sam shook his head. "Did you hit your head or something? Haven't we - the last six years, Dean. Havent we -" 

"We're just fucking, Sammy. That's all this is."

Pain, unbelievable pain swirled through Sam then. Dean stared at him with obvious concern, but that didn't stop him from turning and leaving. Sam slid to the floor, arms wrapped around his knees. Minutes turned into hours, and finally the sound of the Impala pulling up broke Sam from his numbness. Dean walked in bringing in a smell of fruity perfume, smoke and sex. Sam's eyes flickered to the dark hickeys on Dean's neck, and right there something inside of him died. Dean didn't say anything about it. Instead he sat on the hotel bed, kicking off his shoes. "Really tired, Sam. Good night."

Sam stayed frozen on the ground crying silently for a long time then finally he pulled himself up and climbed into the opposite bed. He heard an audible gasp as Dean realized Sam wasn't sleeping with him. He ignored it and let himself fade into a dark sleep.

Several days passed where they didn't speak or touch. Finally Dean cornered Sam and harshly said, "I don't think we should mess around anymore. It got weird. Let's just let it go, cool?"

Cool. He's pretty sure he said, or he may have not even responded. Days passed, maybe months - Sam wasn't keeping track of time. His dad was bringing him on hunts, and the time he was spent trapped in the Impala with his brother felt like suffocating. 

"You feeling alright, Sam?" John asked, staring at him in the rear view mirror. "Ya look pale."

"I'm fine." Sam responded quietly. 

John didn't let it go. "When's the last time you ate?"

Sam considered this. He had a bit of a salad and some coke back at that one diner. "In Tulsa."

John then slammed on the breaks. "That was three days ago, Sam!"

They stopped to get him food and while John was pumping gas, Dean turned to stare at him with intense eyes. "What the fuck?"

Sam wanted to scream at him, but he was too exhausted. His body felt weak and drained. "Leave me alone" was all he could get out before sinking into the leather seats and praying Dean turned around.

To Sam's relief he did as he was told. John Winchester came back with greasy food then, preaching about nutrition.

~

Months later Sam chose to leave. He wouldn't be apart of this screwed up little world anymore. Dean was pissed, his dad was furious, but he didn't care. 

"You belong here, Sam! With me and dad. We are your family!"

Sam could barely look at him. "I can't breathe here."

Dean came dangerously close to him. "Thought I smelled like home, Sammy?"

Sam gaped at him as pain tore across his chest. Dean had no fucking right bringing up those words. "No." Sam said simply. "You still smell like that waitress in Indiana."

Sam loved the way Dean's face twisted into pain.

The day before he was supposed to leave Dean and John had to go on a nearby case. Dean packed quickly and went to his side. "Promise me you'll be here in the morning, Sam?" He begged. "I need to talk to you. Do not leave."

Sam didn't answer. As soon as Dean and John left, Sam walked to the nearest bus stop and ran far away. 

~

Years later, Dean and Sam had been through so much that their once intimate relationship was almost forgotten. Hell, angels, apocalypse, more hell, more angels. Then one night in the bunker, they sprawled out across the couches exhausted from a case. 

"Even I'm tired of research." Sam joked, stretching his long limbs.

Dean sighed. "That's saying something. Wanna watch a movie? I'll find a nice chick flick for you."

Sam shook his head. "Nah, I'm gonna turn in. It's been a long weekend."

"It's been a long life." Dean corrected. "Come on, Sam. We never just hang out - like brothers."

"'Cause other brothers don't have the king of hell in their basement." Sam noted. "What do you wanna watch?"

"I don't know - My Dog Skip. That sounds interesting."

Two hours later both Winchesters were blinking and avoiding eye contact. That movie had definitely not made either of them even a little bit teary. That was their story and they were sticking to it.

"Bringing back memories, Sam?" Dean teased lightly.

"Of our happy childhood?" Sam shot back, obviously confused.

Dean laughed. "No of that stupid dog you had. Bones? When you ran away like an arse hole. I think that was your very first heart break. Him or Mary Jane in Ohio."

Sam's face strained a bit as he forced out a quick laugh. "Nah."

"Nah?" Dean asked. "You loved that dog and it may make me a bit of a pedo but Mary Jane had some major DSL's."

"Well neither of them really compared to - you know." Sam added suggestively feeling like an exposed nerve.

Dean wasn't keeping up. "You lost me, Sam."

Sam swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "It didn't compare to you."

Realization dawned across Dean's face then and he was looking anywhere but Sam. "I'm going to bed." Sam announced immediately, not wanting to make things uncomfortable. "See ya in the morning."

Sam was half was across the living room when Dean caught his arm. "That was mine too." he whispered, looking down. "My first heart break, I mean."

Sam actually laughed. "I'm sure it was, Dean." he spat out, not bothering to hide his sarcasm.

He tried to pull away but Dean's grip was tight and his overly green eyes intense. "S'not a fucking joke, Sam."

"Oh sorry." Sam said, feeling an old wound reopening. "I didn't realize fucking a waitress while I sat on a hotel floor and cried, caused you so much pain. Forgive me."

"I did it for you." Dean whispered, suddenly very still.

Sam wanted to laugh again but he was too exhausted. "Whatever, Dean."

Dean's grip tightened. "I'm serious, Sam. I had to end it. You were too attached. You were never going to live a normal life. I knew if I talked to you, you would see through my bullcrap and I would fold, so I thought I could play the asshole. Ya know? Show you I wasn't as perfect as you thought and that I didn't deserve you. It killed me to watch you hide in your little shell, but I thought - he'll get through this. It's for the best. Then you left!" Dean's voice was shaking. "I told you to wait until I got back. Told you not to go. That I needed to talk to you. You just - left."

"What did you expect me to do?" Sam shot back, still in shock that they were even talking about this untouched subject. "We were together for six years. Really together and then one day you're just fucking a random chick and telling me it's over? Would you stick around after that? I didn't care what you said. It wasn't going to fix anything -"

"I was going to tell you that I'm a fuck up." Dean said seriously. "And that my plan was fucking stupid and I was doing it for you and that I love you, Sam."

"What?" Sam asked not daring to believe the words, but there was Dean striding into his personal space and holding his face.

"I love you." Dean repeated, leaning in to breath in Sam's scent.

"Are you smelling me?" 

Dean nodded. "You still smell like home."

Their lips met then with a clash of tongue and teeth. Everything was spinning for Sam. At one point he was against a wall then he was on the couch, half naked with Dean groaning and thrusting into him. It took all of the strength in his body to slam Dean down and hold him there. "I can't do this." 

Dean looked like someone slapped him in the face. "Sammy, I -"

Sam shook his head. "You fucking broke me, Dean! Into a million fucking pieces and you didn't care! You just swept me under the rug and went on showing off for dad and fucking random women. You didn't care! I can't do it again. I won't!"

Dean grabbed Sam's face roughly. "Are you not listening to me? I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I could get you on a better path, one that didn't involve me. It was a stupid idea and I was waiting for you to call bullshit but you never did. You really thought I didn't want you. How could you ever think that? I love you more than anything. I always have, Sam."

Sam was sobbing then, burying his face into Dean's chest. Dean wrapped his arms around him and let Sam cling to him. Finally Sam was able to break away. "What does this mean?"

"Means I'm sorry." Dean began. "And it means I want you back - back when life actually meant something. I need you more than anything, Sam. I just thought you moved on. I will never hurt you again."

"Promise?" Sam asked quietly.

Dean nodded. "Promise, Sammy."

Sam pressed his lips to Dean's slowly. "This means we get to share a bed again, right?"

A rare smile flashed across Dean's face. "I suppose it does."

Sam sighed in relief. "Thank God."


End file.
